fiction

11:34am: hahah a few years later

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	Very High
Schizoid Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Disorder:	Moderate
Antisocial Disorder:	High
Borderline Disorder:	Low
Histrionic Disorder:	Moderate
Narcissistic Disorder:	Moderate
Avoidant Disorder:	Moderate
Dependent Disorder:	Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- -- Personality Disorders --

7:30pm: lost
so i am a dummy and lost too much money last night i am now done with gambling forever. bad idea.

in other news i have 4 months left in this shitty city. i dont know where im ending up LA or Portland. but im not going back to the east coast yet. i'm trying to learn spanish. i need some kinda audio thing. cause just a book is kinda hard. i cant wait to go to LA in august for a few days. it sucks not having friends here. but when i look around its probly better hahaha everyone where is sooo shitty.

12:55am: I just want something i can never have
TOO much all at once.. FUCK THE MAY JUNE COMBO!! what the fuck is going on. if your gone, stay gone, heres a mix i'd make. for everyone esp you.

I don't wanna get over you (magnetic fields)
something i can never have (n.i.n.)
sunny day real estate. (in circles)
the first song on the mix tape yo made her(as friends rust)
shout (tears for fears)
sistinas(danzig)
This brilliant dance(dashboard) go fuck your self.
my little run away (del shannon)
jet black new year (thrusday)
why do fools fall in love (elvis)
season song (blue states)
am pm (american nightmare)
nerdy (poison the well)
empty picture frame (jets to brazil)
mayonaise (smashing pumpkins)
soul to squeeze (red hot chili peppers)
baby bitch(ween)
say it aint so (weezer)
atlantic city ( the boss)
canyon behind her (dredge)
overdue (get up kids)
estranged (guns and roses)
call waiting (lynchpin)
good bye horses (Q lazzarus)
how to disappear completely (radiohead)
sound the alarm (saves the day)
kiss from a rose (seal)
stone roses ( i wanna be adored)
dont leave the light on ( belle and sebastian)
absence (anarctica)
ill stand by you (pretenders)
i dream a highway (gillian welch)

7:28pm: vacations are more logical.
i hung out with erik last night at hard rock. it was chill saw lots of tits. hung out with some girl who worked there. and met a few people. saw a girl i went to high school with who lives here. fucking wierd. right? ahh. hung out with these 2 lesbians im pretty sure. they said they were sisters. didnt look anything alive. and one of them just had a kid. they re from st louis. one of their fav band was 311 she was 27 hahah. wtf. and the other one was way into unwritten law. so weird they won 80$ at the casino. someone asked me if i was currier. WHAT!!!??? lata faggot. met a dude from Wareham he was siked. i gave erik a hair cut at the lesbian hotel room. it was so weird i couldnt wait to leave.

thinking about shit today. i really miss being in Boston. i miss the T alot. the public transportation here is wack. finding a job is way harder than it appears. everyone here sucks for the most part. the people ive met just hanging out have been chill though. everyone sucks in Boston but at least i know them and hanging out at casinos and bars here i should have done that more in boston. despite how low ball they are. i mean i was happy. but i could have expanded but instead i just imploded and moved away. what a pussy. I should have made it mine instead of making it everyone elses if that makes any sense? being here has put a ton of shit into perspective so im grateful for that. hopefully this 6 months passes fast and i make mad money. i cant wait for winter.

3:49pm: tomorrow!!
tomorrrow i have a ton of shit to do. 10am i have an interview at a salon by my house. some forklift job is supose to call me. i dont really want that job. hopefully my bed with be here. erik is coming into town by like noon. i have to cut his hair and have a sick hang out. i also need to get my ss card. im fucked with out it.

today i went in and applied to another ware house job thats like a 25 min walk from my house and has medical and dental benifits. so thats chil if i get both the salon job and that warehouse position ill be siked. fuck it. i need money so bad. i also looked at the MMA gym across the street from my house its like 120$ a month i think i might join maybe? or 25$ a day. its sick. like all brand new shit. they must have just opened. maybe ill put some air in my tires.

3:25pm: fork lifts?
haha i havent driven one of those since 2001. no big deal i just got a job driving one i have my second interview friday to talk about what my hours are and such. so syked. im almost out of money.. good thing now i need a social securtiy card and to change my hair license over to a nevada one so i can work at that salon down the street part time and make alot of money. keeping away from people i think. just making a shit ton of money and leaving eventually. i need to pay off my fucking loans.. peace

2:10pm: some salon
so i went into some salon today like a block away. and the owner was super nice all i have to do is tranfere my license over to a nv license wich is liike $15 no big deal. he said id assist for like a few months and give me a station on a part time basis recieving commsion. so hopefully they have classes too. i need to get better at womens hair. that shit sucks. but fuck it. i cant wait to work. im so fucking bored. also our shit should be here today via ups. i just checked the tracking it should be here today at like 5pm. i think im going to check out the gym its small but fuck it im over doing like 100 push ups a day. ahhh im getting so red/tan. haha its not too bad here today. but yesterday it sucked. fuck it. i read some old journals from 2002. hahaha holy shit dude. i was insane. well more so then than now.

peace.

8:02pm: dessert camo
so i'm begining to feel trapped. haha it fucking sucks. no money no job no friends. scandalous is gonna be here on friday i cant fucking wait to see someone i know. i met some dude. thats kinda chill. i dont want some shitty job im gonna hate i need to keep doing hair. all i need to do is put some air in my tires. too bad its way to fucking hot . it was like 107 today i think. fuck that. i dont know what im gonna do in july hahah melt? who lives in the dessert? jessica has spent soooo much money its fucking retarded. good thing she has good credit. me on the other had. hahah minimalist forever. i'm kinda stressed i even have a bed coming. i dont want it. all i want is a futon mat on the foor. and blankets. and my cloths. i was thinking of buying a car. fuck cars. insurance is gay. and so is 3.30$ for gas. idk. maybe ill stay maybe i wont.

4:19am: theres no place like home
we re right at the begining of kansas. super8 forever. continental breakfast cant wait. its 330am here i just got done driving i live missouri the high way was so straight. it ruled. i feel like im floating ive been going 80 for like almost 8 hours straight. something like that. shits brutal. passing out

9:59pm: fuck the dust bowl
I'm finally in indiana we've been on the road 7 hours. I have yet to drive I'm hoping to make it atleast to kansas tonight maybe the middle of missiouri. So many huge wooden crosses.. Maybe ill light some on fire and start a klan rally. Hahahaah.

All day I've been reading old entiries. Hahaha what an idiot I am. Fuck it.

Good thing scandelous has a sk. I'd be so board. Love the email list too.

Ps. Fuck mexican road blocks and truckers.

12:56am: you cry.. it doesnt.. change a.. thing..
atleast 9 times from boston to 87 miles east of ohio on interstate 80 i almost broke down crying. normally i have to try to cry and i feel so awkward when other people are sad, and i'm not. like im not normal. i guess shit only matters to me when it completely only has to do with ME!  i fucking hate live journal but now i have no one to talk to. haha so i might as well talk to my self. this motel room sucks. atleast my hips arent hurting right now. i just drove 10 hours straight. probly do 15 hours starting at 9am. maybe more. i'm so fucking impatient.

and what was the name of the boat that took them all to gilligans island?  what is the SS minow james. the ss minow better luck next time.

im so fucking scared right now. i tried to take the mirror off the wall and its fastened on i cant see behind it i think some ones watchign on the other side and the alarm clock was making the loudest hum i think it has the recieving end of a baby monitar in it so they can hear me.  im fucking freaking out im never gonna sleep!!! im dead fucking serious.

haha kristie. im making a polaroid neckless out of your picture so i have one of you AND hooty.  BLING BLING.

new fassion trends are hitting the west coast in 3 days if i survive the night.

12:58am: A.K.A. Your scapegoat pussy
you can all suck my dick



its long way home from here. over the river and through the woods.. ill carve youre name into some drift wood and push it off shore. the tally marks are so deep it's a wonder i never drew blood. since that flood I never fully recovered. Through the years things have doubled over. Ive folded so many notes that all the soap in the world couldnt wash away the things Ive done wrong. You said the only place I belonged was in your arms. I forgot how to love some where along the way. Its been over a week and the rain hasnt stopped. Im just looking for that ray of sunshine to close my eyes and stick my face into, or maybe a candle lit bath. How much champagne will it take to blow them out? To blow you out? To blow my self away? Ive changed Monday to no oneday. Am I slave to this highway? I travel in the passing lane. I put the peddle to the metal in the darkest rain. Hydroplaning out of control right through your life. Ill splice the ends together to make a complete circuit. I wont forget my souvenir. And as I disappear into the distance Ill be sure to throw it into the back seat with the rest of them. To dig that knife deeper. To slice that grove, and just keep on moving on. Will you miss me when Im gone? and will you bury my piece next to all your tears that get lost in the rain. why dont you bronze them and wear them on a chain necklace? You'll never lose that feeling again. You can wear them like its your religion. Kneeling at the alter of pain everyday looking for the next person to blame for all your misfortunes. Hello, my name is ahhh Sean, no Pete, A.K.A. scapegoat. Ive got an open throat for situations like this. I represent all you worship. Your tear stained cheeks are a beacon in a sea of faces. Please, dont hang yourself with your shoe laces just yet. Wait until Im on my way before you endure that kind of dramatic, or should I say pathetic conclusion to a feeling that Id never want to share, or even dare.. No double dare to have for someone. I'd rather take the physical challenge

1:52am:
A unicorn. mystical you look at life as a curse as

well as a gift. You like pale colours like

white and silver.YOu normally stay alone but

in times of danger you find a herd to hide

and protect.


what is your magical companion?
brought to you by Quizilla

2:53pm: staying in brookline trying to accumulate 1000 dollars to pay off my fucking school.. buuummmmerrrr .. it should get done wth n a month if i do what im supose to..

the lack of fun in my life is really growing.. i realized that besides teh people i live with there are maybe only 2 or 3 other really fun people in my life..

i really have indigestion right now! .. it makes my b-hole feel weird..

i cant wait to be done with school and all this bull shit..

1:19am: fuck
moving to cape .. bad idea. i mean college is a good idea.. living down the cape bad idea. regression is not how i want to live my life..

oh no... i got to keep on movin'...

hopefully ill be couch surfing or living with someone in the next month or 2 .. either or is chill. i hate commitment.

7:41pm: keeping it real in the rkd
right now im eating salsa off the floor cause i spilled the last of it and i really wanted it .. im scooping it up using 2 doritos on either side like one of those cranes with the mouth that eats dirt to pick it up.. u know what i mean ... i cant remember the name of it ..

also .. i think riding my bike everyday is a good idea. for the passed 2 days i havent done that cause of a flat tire... i have too much energy and too much anger.

tomorrow me and this girl michelle are fist fighting in the common at noon. her roomate does ufc so shes taking 2 sets of knuckle gloves and mouth guards and we re just going to fist fight.. she boxes .. i hope i dont get knocked out . hahaaah no big deal.. ill sweep that bitches leg

also i cut all my hair off ... and grew a beard hahaha

2:18pm: on my way out
after august i got one more month left here living in mission hill. my graduation date is august 24th. i cant fucking wait.. hair school is fucking gay. then i need to go to state board and pass that shit to get my license.

from sept to oct 1st im living on huntington to save money, and working the most hours they will allow. i changed my avalibility. 40+.. i wonder how long i can survive. corprate bullshit drives me crazy. it makes me want to multi class to a druid and get an animal companion and be one with the forest.

i cant wait to chill out with my dad again and see the rest of my family more. i miss them. well certain members anyway. haha. like the ones who will die soon.

in january im goin back to school for sociology. getting my bachlors and going to africa. i cant wait to write papers again.

next summer... right after the spring semester im going on a road trip. from here to fl. stay in fl for a month, and then drive across the southern states. to arizona and then chill with my mom for a month and make it back for the fall semester. i need to see more of the united states, and do something interesting. all i need is a handgun licenese, a radar dectector, and a 1995 honda civic hatch back. haha

5:19am: H. E. double hockey sticks..
so i just woke up i went to bed at midnight.... its 5am... ive been waking up all night. for some reason i just cant sleep tonight. maybe its getting back in a regular sleep pattern. i dont know.. BUT i've been having the same dream all night. gian franco was in it.. and alot of people in my school.. my instructors. like OLD friends people who i have known forever.. and they kept walking by me on cape cod at the 7-11 by the greek church on the side walk and looking at me saying.. "look at pete just chhiiillllennn... and she would move her hand in a certain way. my dad was there and all these people i used to skate with. and it was like a crowd around me. that was the last thing i remember. but also there was something that had to do with a portal. and a bunch of portals within this one portal. i was telling the story to someone in the dream. i left too many portals open and i was scared that demons had followed me back, and they were manifesting as people i knew to try and get close to me. and then in the dream it actually accurred to me that i had never left hell, and made it back. and my hell was hanging out with people who didnt like me, but trying to get them to like me again.... FUCK THAT. jessica was there too and my old friend ryan was the only person who was out right mean to me. hahaah figures. but it was so realistic. and so repetitive i had that dream like 3 times in 3 diff ways.. maybe i should figure out was was differant in all of them... ?.. is it a sign? i might be multiclassing as a cleric. haha

what the fuck is wrong with me today?

8:43am: a brief outine of the next year of my life
I. hair school
a. finish hair school before sept 1st
b. get my license
II.move back to the cape by october 1st
a. chill hard with my dad
b. further education working for my bachlors degree
c. drive to boston or providence every weekend and fucking represent to the fullest with a fist full of repeck knuckles and a leg sweep more vicious than a rotten vermishious kinnid
d. save money
e. get tattooed the most.
f. muay thia kick boxing
III. summer 2006 possiblilities
a. go to LA
b. go to summer school
c. tour the us.
d. get married... hahah syke!!
e. stay drunk.
f. start writing a book finally and get some motivation and write some of my life down so i can make room for new memories...

7:44pm: haha
Half-Elf
You scored 13 STR, 10 DEX, 9 CON, and 12 CHA!
Humans and elves sometimes wed, the elf attracted to the human's energy and the human to the elf's grace. These marriages end quickly as elves count years because a human's life is so brief, but they leave an enduring legacy - half-elven children. The life of a half elf can be hard. If raised by elves, the half-elf grows with astounding speed, reaching maturity within two decades. The half-elf becomes an adult long before she has time the intricacies of elven art and culture, or even grammar. She leaves behind her childhood friends, becoming physically an adult but culturally still a child by elven standards. Typically, she leaves her elven home, which is no longer familiar, and finds her way among humans. If,on the other hand, she is raised by humans, the half-elf finds herself different from her peers: more aloof, more sensitive, less ambitious, and slower to mature. Some half-elves try to fit in among humans, while others find their identities in their difference. Most find places for themselves in human lands, but some feel like outsiders all their lives. Remember your race, as well as your STR, DEX, CON, and CHA scores. You will need them when you take my D&D Class Test.

7:37pm: Rogue
You scored 32 Warrior, 30 Spellcaster, 49 Rogue, and 36 Misc!
Rogues share little in common with each other. Some are stealthy thieves. Others are silver-tongued tricksters. Still others are scouts, infiltrators, spies, diplomats, or thugs. What they share is versatility, adaptability, and resourcefulness. In general, rogues are skilled at getting what others don't want them to get: entrance into a locked treasure vault, safe passage past a deadly trap, secret battle plans, a guard's trust, or some random person's pocket money.



The D&D Class Test
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=7807433188153453956

3:56pm: haha ive gotten way cooler over the passed few months

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	High
Schizoid:	High
Schizotypal:	High
Antisocial:	High
Borderline:	Moderate
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	Very High
Avoidant:	Moderate
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information --

hahahahahaha i dont know what this means .. but i might be way more of a sociopath than i thought

1:36pm: so much time and so little to do.. strike that.. reverse it.. thank you
so the day is coming for me to be out of school. maybe a month left. a month and a day. that school was the only thing keeping me in boston. so now what?!

the options i have are these

1.stay in brookline/boston where my 2 best friends are both moving in the next 4 months so ill be here basically by my self. (which isnt always bad haha)

2.move to ny with one of them in september( im not a fan of NY but she rules....)

3.move to providence in september( i have a shit ton of loans to pay off for school so it will make living alot easier, Plus my friends down there are fun and it should be an awesome time despite how shitty providence is)

4. move to LA in january. my one friend is already out there, and my other will be leaving in january. we will probly have the most fun ever, but im not sure if i can afford that shit or feel like moving across the country away from my family. i mean im not that much of a family orientated human but ill miss 4 people. and thats alot to be missing.

so i dont know i have so many things to do think about besides these options they re just on my mind and i neeed to decided with in a month

2:22pm: enter the matrix

Morpheus


?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

12:03pm: skipping school to go pick up my new bike!! i cant wait to do some sweet bunny hops..

to the list i made last night..

11.start doing porn. i might as well get paid to be an addict